The first time I heard someone talk about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), I had an ambivalent reaction. At the time, the term ‘acceptance’ had a complicated tone for me; it carried a feeling of giving up or resignation. I wasn’t yet a therapist, and I was more interested in overcoming difficulties than accepting them, so it was a while before ACT and I met again.
When I was more thoroughly introduced to ACT, it was clear to me that it was a powerful way of approaching life, not just for my practice of therapy, but on my personal journey. I’ll try to describe it simply.
In one sentence: ACT is a template for building a rich and meaningful life.
For most of us along our path, difficult thoughts, feelings, and circumstances show up. Unfortunately, our learned responses to these painful experiences often make things worse. We see the discomfort as a problem to be solved, so we distract ourselves, chase pleasure, avoid scary situations, criticize ourselves or others, try to control our feelings, overthink. These strategies can help us cope in the short term, but they rarely help us move toward the best version of ourselves. Rather, we can get stuck in frustrating cycles.
Instead of pushing away uncomfortable feelings in this way, ACT teaches that we can learn to make room for them, understanding that pain and discomfort are an inevitable part of living. When we drop the fight with our feelings, our energy and attention are free to respond effectively, and listen inward to find what really matters to us—our core values. This brings us back to the name: ‘Acceptance’ of difficult thoughts, feelings, experiences, in order to ‘Commit’ to doing what matters. ACT provides us with a set of tools and concepts to do this effectively, to move toward the person we want to be, even when it’s hard.
You might notice that acceptance is the opposite of what the younger me thought. Rather than giving up, accepting is making space for difficult experiences in order to move toward the person I want to be. This paradox loves to show up, that often the best way to ‘overcome’ something is to see it and accept it exactly as it is, only then can we act effectively.