We humans are endowed with a unique gift. These brains of ours are able to fast forward and rewind. They can go over past memories, turn them over, and try to find patterns that are useful to us. They can also look forward in the future, imagining and anticipating future obstacles and rewards, to try plan accordingly.
This gift, unfortunately, is also a curse. If you have a brain, you likely also know what it’s like to have an old painful memory, showing up over and over again—torturing you for seemingly no reason. You also probably know what it’s like to find yourself nervously thinking over some future event, worrying about what could go wrong.
This is normal brain stuff. The ability to think about the past and future are very important to our functioning and survival, so they deserve some gratitude. It’s just that sometimes they get stuck on, and carried away trying to learn from the past or protect us from future dangers. When they get stuck on like this, though, it can really take us away from the place where our life actually happens: the here-and-now.
Many people when first seeking counselling describe feeling perpetually distracted, like their life is just passing by, like they’re often in their head. For this reason I appreciate the quote “Get out of your mind and into your life” by Stephen Hayes. So learning to contact the present is a foundation for effective therapy and for a fulfilling life.
Coming back to the present takes practice—a practice that’s never really complete. It really is where most of the juicy stuff happens in life. Savouring pleasant experiences, noticing and naming difficult feelings instead of being swept away by them, being engaged with the people we love, being mindful of the satisfaction and meaning of living our values. All of these happen when we pull our awareness from the past or future and bring it into the here and now.
If you feel that contacting the present moment is a struggle for you, you could consider taking a course in mindfulness, or seek out a therapist trained in ACT or DBT, who can help guide you toward having more moments with your life on ‘play’.